Closed Lost in Thought

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius had ended things amicably with Aika over the break. She was sweet, but they were just friends. And it wasn't fair to her- not really, to keep seeing her when he had someone else on his mind. He was trying to figure things out, and with school starting again, he was stuck in his head most of the day. He'd taken to walking around the castle, trying to clear his mind, but it wasn't working much. He was on his way back from another walk, when he caught the smell of an incoming storm through the open window nearby. He hesitated, looking over a moment, before deciding to go and lean against the window sill, watching as the sky started to darken and rain started to fall over the forest, slowly working its way towards the castle.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo felt so much lighter than she did this same time last year. Her best friend was back, she had a lead on her brother, and she had a shiny new prefect badge on top of it all. But of course Cameron and Isadora were fighting, she had been too scared to visit Professor Le Fey again, and she already had so many responsibilities. So things were far from perfect but she was finding it easier to carry them all. She was making her way down from the Owlery to send her aunt a letter when she spotted someone by an open window and slowed her steps when she saw it was Valerius. She hadn't spoken to him much towards the end of last year. Her feelings about him were complicated but he had a girlfriend which did make one thing clear. He was off limits. So she kept her distance and in the end it was much easier to push him out of her mind than to face any of it at all. But he seemed so handsome and thoughtful she couldn't resist saying at least a friendly hello. She took a step forward and joined him by the window. "Oh wow, I was wondering if it would actually rain today." she said casually.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius was drawn out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. He smiled warmly, turning his attention to Margo as she came up beside him. "Hello, Margo," He greeted affectionately, before turning his gaze back out the window. "I've always rather liked the rain," He offered in turn, before straightening up again, hands in his pockets. He turned fully to face her, admiring the way the light hit her soft hair. "How have you been?" He asked her, as ever curious to how she was doing.

 

[Margo Fox]

"Hi." Margo replied with a small smile. There was something about the way that he said her name that made her heart beat a bit faster. When he looked back out the window she felt like she could breath again but she still fumbled her words. "Rain is good." she said and wanted to get sucked out the window. What a dumb thing to say! "It's good but I tend to like the sunshine a bit more. Although the sound is quite soothing." she explained and hoped she didn't sound like a total idiot. She straightened up when he looked back to her and tried to seem unbothered. "I'm good." Margo said and was pleased to find in her heart it was true. "How is Aika?" she asked and hoped it sounded natural, like a conversation normal friends would have. That was what they were after all.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius chuckled. How did Margo pull off being so cute so effortlessly? He studied her, pleased that she seemed to really be doing better. When she brought up Aika, he gave her an easy smile. "Oh, she's alright. We decided to just be friends," He told her. "Truthfully, I only dated Aika because I thought it was what my father would have wanted," He admitted a bit sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking out the window at the storm.

"He adores her fathers work- Jai Chen is a rather well known chef, and my father has followed his career for years. Aika and I get on well, and I thought- well, honestly, most of what I do in life is centered around what I think my father would approve of." He sighed, looking down to his shoes and scuffing his toes against the ground a bit. "Honestly... my heart was never in it, I... well, my heart has been elsewhere, but I'm- well, a bit afraid to follow it." He peeked up at her through his hair. Margo was a sweetheart, surely she deserved better than him. Especially when he was so afraid of hurting her.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo couldn’t help but steal glances at Valerius as she waited for his answer while she tried to seem content to just watch the rain. But that act didn’t last long and she looked at him fully when he said they were just friends now. She wanted to say something comforting but he seemed unbothered so she waited for him to continue. Her brow furrowed when he said he had only dated her because of his father. So, did he ever really like Aika? The more Valerius spoke the more confused she felt. He continued to speak about his father and for a selfish moment she was jealous of that feeling. “So you just dated her because of her father?” she blurted out. It was all she could think about, and pathetically she realized she didn’t even have a father, let alone one that was worth getting close to. Maybe if he was still alive, he had been an Auror after all. Margo shook her head. “Sorry.” she mumbled and took a step back from the window. The fresh air felt suffocating now. She wasn’t sure what she was sorry for. The narrative she written in her head had shifted and she was trying to keep up as it rewrote itself and she figured out where she stood in all of it.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius sighed, running his hand through his hair. He felt a little guilty as she asked about it, and just shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Yes and no,” He offered softly, still staring out the window. “Aika and I get on very well. I knew who her father was- and I let myself be carried away by expectations, by what everyone else wanted. She’s a good girl, and I-” He sighed, frustrated. “It- all my life, I’ve strived to be- needed to be-” He struggled to explain, leaning against the wall. “My father is a very rich, powerful, successful man. But he wasn’t always. He built himself up from nothing,”

There was a bit of awe in his voice as he spoke, but also a bit of sadness. He lowered his eyes, his hair falling to cover them. “All I’ve ever wanted… I just want to be worthy,” He admitted gently, his heart aching as he said it. “I don’t want to be that rich boy that just has the world handed to him. I want to make him proud, be a good man, a strong man, but…” He bit his lip, feeling like he was shrinking. “I don’t know how to do things just because I want to do them. Everything I’ve ever done… it’s all in mind for the future, for the company, for him,” He raised his eyes back up then, and letting his mask slip, there was a deep, twisted fear in them. “I’m scared, Margo,” He whispered, his voice breaking. “I’m scared I won’t be enough,” His eyes were shimmering with tears, but he hardly noticed, just looking to her with the most forlorn expression.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo kept her hands firmly clasped in front of her as she focused on her breathing. She wasn’t sure why she was reacting like this. Maybe because it was easy to deal with her own feelings going unrequited if he was in fact interested in someone else, but to know now it wasn’t true… It felt like a betrayal but he didn’t owe her anything. She tried to listen to Valerius as he spoke and she did feel sorry for him. No one should be stretched so thin to feel like they deserved the love of their father. She was silent for a minute as she tried to string her thoughts together once he was done. “My parents are dead.” she blurted out. This wasn’t exactly what she intended to say but it’s what came out when she opened her mouth. “I don’t think I’ve really said that out loud to anyone. Even my friends, they just kind of figured it out since I live with my grandmother.” her mouth seemed to have a mind of its own now as she rambled. “I wonder all the time what they’d be like now. If they’d be proud of me. If A-” Margo cut herself off before mentioning her brother. “I would give anything to ask them for guidance, but I can’t. You can. You can talk to him. Do you know if he even wants that life for you?” she asked. His expression pulled at her heart and she wasn’t sure how to help. Her life was so different than his but she had to imagine no one would want their child to be so miserable.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius’ eyes widened a touch when she spoke. He stayed silent, his heart throbbing a bit in his chest. As she finished speaking, he couldn’t help the warmth and fondness that flooded his expression. He pushed himself up from where he’d been leaning against the wall, and took a small step closer. “Margo?” He spoke softly, and opened up his arms just a touch, biting the corner of his lip. “May I hug you?” He asked, his voice tender while his heart fluttered in his chest.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo’s breaths were quick and shallow despite her attempts to slow them. But the sudden vulnerability felt strange and she wasn’t sure what had come over her. She wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she had been expecting from Valerius but as he took a step closer she stiffened. Had she said something wrong? Was he angry? But when he said her name and asked to hug her she just blinked. That was probably the last thing she expected and she just stared at him for probably a moment too long. “Um, ok.” she answered quietly. She still felt very confused but the thought of being so close to him did make her heart beat a bit faster.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius smiled, and drew Margo into his arms. He tucked her head under his chin, smiling warmly. She just felt right tucked in against him. He wrapped his arms around her, keeping his grip soft. He pressed his cheek against her hair and shut his eyes, breathing in the smell of her shampoo and appreciating her warmth. He sighed softly, realizing in that moment he’d be content to never move again.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo was glad Valerius couldn’t see her face since she knew it was probably bright red. She had never been good at hiding her emotions so she was grateful to hide just a little despite how close they were. She was hyper aware of every movement she made and wondered if he noticed anytime she moved. “What’s this for?” she asked softly against him but didn’t move, not quite yet.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius rubbed his hand gently over her back, humming softly at her question. “Comfort, hopefully.” He replied without a thought. “At least, it’s comforting for me.” He chuckled, and squeezed her gently in his arms. He swallowed hard, his heart thundering. “Margo?” His voice was soft, almost scared. “I… I was the one that sent you that rose. I’m sorry,” He apologized, pulling back a bit and letting his hands drift to rest feather-light on her arms. “I really care about you, a lot, I just- I was scared- I am scared- that you won’t feel the same,” He admitted, trying not to look away despite the strong urge to hide his face. “You… you make my heart…” He sighed, struggling to find the right words. “Sorry, I’m no good at this,” He laughed nervously, giving in and ducking his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo let out a breath when Valeirus said he was feeling better but her worry came back as he pulled away and gave her a serious look. For a moment she was lost and didn’t know what he was talking about. But then it suddenly clicked and it felt like her stomach was suddenly in her throat. “You…what?” she stammered. He was holding her arms gently and she found herself staring at his hands, unable to look at his face. “But you were-” she started to say but cut herself off. Neither one of them could seem to make a full sentence. He was dating someone else but wrote her that. Deep down she knew she suspected him but confirming it didn’t seem to bring her the joy she thought it would. She remembered Isadora’s letter and how she had called him a dumbass. Everything was happening so much and there was no way she was going to be able to make sense of them standing in front of Valerius, especially not when he was looking at her like that. “I-” she started to say. “I have to go.” Margo blurted out and started to rush away.

 

[Valerius Bianchi]

Valerius’ face fell a bit when the girl pulled away. He wasn’t sure if he could even defend himself. Even if neither he nor Aika had ever considered their relationship as a real one, he couldn’t deny that he’d been with someone else. He let his arms drop, lowering his eyes as it felt like his heart was shredding itself in his chest. He should have known better. “I’m sorry,” He offered gently, unsure if she’d even hear him in her rush to get away from him. He ran a hand through his hair, tears burning his eyes. Mortified, he started to leave himself, shuffling back to his dorm with his shoulders slumped and his hands stuffed into his pockets.