Giggle Fest

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Well I like any one else love jokes, am indeed very partial to them... have tons in storage type of thing.
So here it is, when you post you have to not only let us know if the jokes were good or bad or damn awful or wickedly funny but you must also post your own.

You forfeit any right to comment on someone elses jokes even with an emoticon unless you yourself attempt to make us laugh as well. So I will attempt to get the ball rolling... be prepared some of these are --- awful!

How do baby hens dance?
Chick to chick

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)​

Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
Because you can see right through him.


How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
30 - 1 to make the batter and 29 to peel the smarties.

I can hear the groans already --- now if you can do better, hit me with your best shot!
Let the Giggle Fest Begin!!

 

[Ellie Sparks]

This is a good idea, Linda
There great, especially the Teen one funny as

These are alot of crap, but anyroad;

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
(No offence to blondes, btw)

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

I love blonde jokes


A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b1tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b1tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b1tch in the kitchen."

hehe[/i]

And...

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

hehe

So, yeh, probably alot of crap but I'm rather.. easily amused .

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Nicky I loved them - jokes get me every time... I do love me some blonde jokes alright.
My sister-in-law sends me tons of jokes by email, most I can't even get through... here is one;

You know you've been on-line too long when...

* You start introducing yourself as Jim at aol.com.

* Your wife drapes a wig over the monitor to remind you of what
she looks like.

* You check your mail. It says "no new messages" so you check it
again.

* You name your children Eudora, Mozzilla, and Dotcom.

* All of your friends have an @ in their names.

* You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/
bluetrim.html

* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because
"Daddy/Mummy's got work to do".

* You get a tattoo that says "This body best veiwed with Internet
Explorer 5.0."

* You ask the plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair
in front of the computer with a toilet.

* You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile.

* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road,
your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

 

[Lexi Rodriguez]

Ok, here's one for me, but i have to translate it into English....


this is how Bf and Gf with a highest IQ level have their LQ

Boy: In Physics, i know we are also matter. We can't occupy the same space at the same time, that's why I'm going.

Girl: Why? Geometrically we where like parallel lines, why can't we met at a common point?

Boy: Grammatically, your verbs are not correct. That's why all of the subjects are affected

Girl: That's it! chemically, you've reached my boiling point! now my heart is getting to it's freezing point.

I received it via txt message, so, i have to type it in long, all are in short cuts....

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

nice one Joyce

and because I think they need to be posted in the giggle fest..

Ninja v's Pirate jokes

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"


What did the Ninja say to the Pirate?
Nothing. He was sent to kill him

How many Ninjas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one will ever know because Ninjas don't need light.

What do you get when you fuse a Ninja and a Viking?
A dead Viking.

Why did the Ninja cross the street?
Because he wanted to get to the other side duh. That never changes.

Did you know:
awesome ninja facts:

The Fart of a Ninja is a million times deadlier than the venom of a rattlesnake. With the right wind, a single fart can wipe out a small village.

Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless against a ninja

Ninja don't smoke, but they do use smoke bombs

Ninja always land on their feet. If they don't have feet they will land on their nubs

Ninja invented the internet. All of it.

Ninja don't eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom

Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin

Ninja don't play sports. Unless killing is a sport. They always win

Ninja can crush golfballs with 2 fingers, any two fingers.

Ninja have a bad temper when they lose at anything. They will usually cut off the winners head before they have time to brag.

Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls.

How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!

A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

Why is pirating addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!