Closed Everything I Wanted

[Margo Fox]

Margo was distracted, and she knew she had been for a while now. She didn't want to be. This was her last year of school and she wanted to be present and enjoy it. But her trip to Brightstone had let her feeling like she had miss counted some stairs and now she was free falling when she had expected something solid to be there. Every day when the mail came she would hold her breath waiting for there to be something for her, and she wasn't sure if she had ever started to breath again.

As she walked into the great hall with Micheal she willed her mood to improve as she took in all the beautiful decorations. Margo wanted to feel as light and airy as the other girl's around her. She was here with a boy she adored, she was in a dress that was beautiful, it was everything she could have wanted out of tonight. But still it felt like a cloud was hanging over her. She glanced up at the enchanted ceiling and watched as the snow feel.

 

[Michael Watson]

Michael may not have been the best at reading people, but even he wasn't blind enough to avoid seeing that something was up with Margo. As usual, he'd spent time ruminating on it rather than doing anything about it. If Margo didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't going to push her. He'd instead busied himself with his exams, wondering if maybe she just needed some time. But then the doubts crept in, like maybe he'd done something wrong and upset her in some way. Maybe being passive was bad, actually.

He almost shyly slipped his hand to hers, letting her grasp his if she wanted it. He had to say something, he couldn't just let this hang and pretend he wasn't noticing how she felt. Michael may not have known much about how to be a good boyfriend, but he knew at least that that was bad. "Um, did I mention yet that you look amazing? Because you look amazing." He rubbed the back of his head, giving a small sigh. "Do you wanna dance? Or, uh, maybe we could sit and talk?"

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo felt something touch her hand, started out of her trance she pulled away at first but realized it was Michael reaching out for her. She shot him an apologetic look and took it quickly, giving it a light squeeze. She smiled at his compliment and she sure her face was red. "You did, but you can say it again." she said with a grin. "You also look very handsome." she said and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. When he asked if she wanted to dance she tried to think of a reason to decline. She wasn't quite in the dancing mood yet. But when he mentioned talking she looked at him curiously. "Talk?" she repeated. Sure they had both been busy lately and hadn't spent as much time together as she would have liked, but what did he mean by that?

 

[Michael Watson]

It seemed as though maybe he'd hit a nerve. Michael stumbled a little on the spot, scuffing his shoe along the ground as he turned his body to properly look at Margo. "Well, uh..." he started, wondering if he could either bail out or if he should commit to asking about it. He didn't really want to ruin the night, but he had to actually man up and say something, didn't he? "I just thought you seemed a bit down, that's all." His eyes darted over to the Christmas tree, feeling awkward. "And I didn't know if you wanted to talk about it or not. Maybe I should have waited until after the ball," he added in a mutter, more to himself than anything.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo felt a tension in her shoulders as Micheal seemed to struggle to find the right words. But when he did she felt instantly flustered and didn't know how to react. She knew she wasn't a very good actress yet she still felt deeply...embarrassed to have her vulnerability seen so easily. She felt hot which seemed wrong being surrounded by snow even if it was all fake. "Well, I....It's just-" she blurted out before she knew what she wanted to say. She tried to take a deep breath and all her conflicting thoughts made it jagged. She wanted to tell him everything, to finally be totally honest, but the instincts that had been keeping her safe, at least in her head, were screaming at her to lie and avoid it at all cost. And instead of making any decision she felt like she was moments away from a melt down in the middle of the Yule Ball. "I don't want to ruin this." she said desperately.

 

[Michael Watson]

Michael turned back to look at Margo, feeling a little more anxious. "H-hey..." he started, not really sure of what to say. He didn't know if he should intrude on her personal space or something, but moved to gently put a hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was an understanding gesture. "You're not ruining anything, alright?" He drew in a deep breath of his own, choosing his words very carefully. "I, uh, don't really know what's up, but I don't want you to be sad, so, if there's anything I can do..." He gave her a wry smile. "You're more important than the dance." Part of him wondered if it was his fault, and maybe that's what she meant, but if that were the case she probably would have taken a raincheck on even going to the ball with him, right? "Sorry, I timed this terribly, hey."

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo did her best to take deep breaths. She didn't want to be doing this, not here, not now, not ever if she could help it. But suddenly being asked what was wrong was the thing that finally made her start to crack. She looked at Michael and even if he said other wise she still felt like she was ruining their night, but his reassurance did make her feel fractionally better. She smiled weekly at him. "I'm really sorry." she said softly. Her throat was tight and she hoped she wouldn't cry. "I just....I don't know how to talk about....things." she confessed. "Things I can barely bring myself to tell my friends about." Margo continued. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to say but the words were coming now and maybe she'd be able to spit them out without overthinking it for once. She was so frustrated. It felt like she was trying to break down a brick wall that was keeping her secrets in. But it wasn't really a secret was it? People knew about Avery. She wasn't being tortured for information, she was trying to have a honest conversation with her boyfriend. She shut her eyes tight as if that would help and took a deep breath. "I found someone who knows my brother. Or at least he used to." she began, wincing as the words finally came out. "He was in Brightstone the whole time." she added, as an exasperated note to self. "I left a letter at a bar and I've just been waiting to hear something, anything! And I'm just waiting. And I've been waiting for so long and this is the closest I've been but I can't do anything. I just-" she cut herself off, feeling out of breath. She had hoped the telling the truth would make her feel lighter but it didn't. Now it was replaced with a new bone deep fear as she waited for Michael's reaction.

 

[Michael Watson]

Michael awkwardly steered the both of them to the side of the room, feeling extremely guilty for having brought it up but at the same time, at least a little glad they were clearing the air. Even if it wasn't necessarily the best time for it. In fact, possibly the worst time for it. He hesitated a little as Margo seemed to struggle to find the right words, and more when she mentioned her brother. Margo hadn't really mentioned her brother before, had she? Why hadn't she? Did she not feel like she could talk to him? It sounded like it was difficult for her to bring up, so it wasn't just him, but he still felt a little...awkward.

That was only a small part of it, though, mostly he was worried about Margo. He wasn't sure whether to hug her, or if that would be too much. He stepped a little closer, gently moving an arm to her back. "Wow, I...I had no idea, I'm sorry," he managed, focusing on her and trying to watch her reactions. There was no point asking why she hadn't said much about it to him, it was definitely not the time. Nor was there really much he could do in the way of problem solving, though his thoughts were ticking over to find some solution, any solution. "Is there anything I can do? I mean...there probably isn't anything more I can do, but if there is anything..." he trailed off, wincing. "Do you want to get some fresh air?"

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo sighed and felt a wave of guilt. Of course he had no idea. How could he. "I know, I know." she mumbled and put her hands over her face probably smudging her make up. She felt his hand on her back and relaxed a little. She hated this. She hated that it felt like pulling teeth to bring up these things. She had no idea why, until she remembered her grandmother's draw face getting a little sharper after Avery ran away and her aunt's barely concealed anger when Margo would bring him up. But that still didn't erase the fact she hadn't been totally honest, when it was something she hated from other people. "I'm sorry. I could have told you a hundred different times." she said finally dropping her hands. "It just felt easier to pretend he didn't exist since it was obvious he didn't want to be around me. But... he's becoming real again and I don't know what to do..." she finished, finally feeling a small sense of relief. But she looked up at Michael and noticed the pain on his face. She smiled at him and considered his offer to leave even only temporarily. But she shook her head. "No, I'm alright. Promise." she said before reaching up to hold his face in her hands. "You're really great you know."

 

[Michael Watson]

Michael may not have always known what to do - in fact, he rarely knew what he was doing, in all honesty - but if there was one thing that could be said for him it was that he was a patient young man. Really, he knew that all of this was up to Margo to tell him or not and if she hadn't told him it was possibly partially on him for not being a bit more proactive and helpful. But it seemed like it was a deeply personal matter to her, so even as her boyfriend, it wasn't his business to pry. He simply reached up to wrap his hands around hers, giving them a gentle squeeze.

"You're really brave, you know?" he said after a moment, relaxing and giving a more genuine smile. "Things like these, they're, uh, they're not fun to deal with. Especially cause there's not really a right answer to it, like if you need to see him for closure or you're better off not knowing. And being stuck in limbo doesn't help. But however I can help, I will...even if it's just someone to lean on. Leanability is one of my best traits." It was a really lame joke, but at the very least he thought he might be able to get her to crack a smile. Even one of exasperation.

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo had expected the heavy emotional portion of the night to be over but Michael placed his hands on hers and spoke seriously. She hadn't expected a compliment, she figured she deserved some anger or at least irritation for keeping things from him. But he was as kind as ever and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. She smiled weakly before reaching up to give him a quick kiss before letting go and wiping at her eyes. "Well why don't we put that to the test." she said with a grin as she tried to shake off the last of her bad mood. "I think we deserve a dance." she added, reaching for his hand.