The more that Rowan was listening to Elio's voice, she felt like maybe she could ground herself more. Maybe they'd put restrictions in place and it had been too much. Maybe they really should just do whatever they felt, but... maybe check in first? Like maybe she shouldn't just snake herself around him, but ask first? See if that would be okay? Because what they were doing right now wasn't working. She tried to steady her breathing, letting her mind race as she carefully pulled it back. He was such a calming presence in her life, she didn't know how she'd managed to be so grounded before him. Maybe she hadn't, maybe that was the point? This was so new for both of them, they maybe just had to... soldier through it, not be so hard on themselves, let the chips fall where they may? Her thoughts were still hard to grasp and she held a hand up to let him know she was just trying to focus a bit, closing her eyes and pressing her hand to her forehead. The feeling was nice, and she continued to breath, trying to let the build up out slowly. She was losing control, but this was small, it was small, she could deal with it. He called her babe though, so... he didn't want her to go away, right? She couldn't deal with that. It would be like someone telling her she'd never be able to see Elsie again, or Zennon or Gracie to a lesser extent. They were her life, she couldn't just... stop. He wanted to be honest, of course, and that was what they'd agreed on, so it was good, honesty was so important for them, especially right now. She knew who she was... for the most part, she was trying to figure it out outside of him, sure, but... she shook her head. She couldn't imagine what she must have been going through and dammit, she just wanted to hug him or touch him or something, but it had been her rule, she couldn't just... not follow it. "El, I am so sorry, if I ever thought this would... I shouldn't have kissed you," she said, opening her eyes as she looked at him. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know how. "You... you don't know what you need, but... just know that you can have as much of my time as you need... I know what I said and... and I still need that, but, you're my best friend, the only person who occupies my whole world... how could I say that and not help you however you need?" She asked, stepping a little closer to him now, so that at least she wasn't just standing in the middle of the room like a nutcase. "No, please don't think that. I always want you to be honest with me, no matter what, I'm sorry I'm not doing well for you right now, I should be supporting you that's what we said," she frowned. She was still finding her thoughts difficult to grasp, but, she was slowly calming down. "I didn't listen, to you, I do that all the time, I'm so sorry," she said again. Shaking her head. "No matter what, no matter what I'm going through, or what is happening or anything, middle of an apocalypse, horrible lesson, terrible car crash, falling off a broom, anything, middle of the night, or at dinner, please never think I'm unavailable to you. Even if we're... whatever we are, I'll be there whenever you need, I promise." She didn't know how to help but, she wanted all of him, his whole self, she didn't want a scattered version of Elio in her life who had to compartmentalise and change himself for her. She loved him for him, not his face, though... that helped, a bit. "I love everything you are... and if that means I have to help you figure out what that is, then, I'll do it. If it's something different than we thought, well then I'll just have to love that too, won't I?" She wasn't sure it all made sense, such as her head was at the moment, and she'd stepped closer to him as she spoke, so they were at least on the same side of the room now, but she made no efforts to move closer unless he wanted her to, because she didn't want to be rejected again, and if he wanted her to hold by her rule, she would.